5 ways to unwind

Being a parent is the best job I ever did. But it is also very demanding and leaves so little time and space for my needs and interests. We are more than parents, we are whole human beings with other “pulls” in our lives. So sometimes we can feel pulled in so many directions and we feel like we are about to lose it. Or we lose it and take it out on the closest people to us: our spouse, and kids.

I was just recently reading about how yelling can cause same damage as spanking kids. Our children’s brains are wired for connection and they don’t need a perfect parent, just a parent who is a safe haven for them, a caregiver who will be highly responsive to their needs and offer a safe place where they can offload. But when we have so much on our table it is challenging to parent in a way that is the most beneficial for our children. Therefore, we first have to take care of ourselves and our own mental beings before we can help and guide our kids.

Remember that things that trigger us in our children’s behaviours are the very things we were denied when we were kids or, in order to feel we are accepted, we had to suppress these feelings. Now that we are adults, we no longer have the need to do so. Rather, we have to learn how to heal past trauma because if we don’t do so, every time our children do certain behaviour it will trigger us and we cannot blame kids for feeling and behaving in a certain way. After all, they are learning and have nothing to do with our past experiences.

It is highly important for me to each day find some time alone, sometimes it is 5 minutes or 1 hour of some activity that is not related to parenting. These activities change, but currently here is how I use my free time.

Watch my favourite show

I every time say it is so good I don’t have much free time otherwise I would spend it in front of the TV. I have always enjoyed watching television, but I have never had so much free time to just waste it like that. Recently we subscribed to Disney plus and it contains all my favourite shows (Alias, Grey’s Anatomy, Burn Notice, Lie to me, Prison Break…) and hey, with all those Netflix shows like Grace and Frankie, Sweet Magnolias, Virgin River and so on there is a lot to watch and so little time. Currently, I am stuck on Sweet Magnolias and I want to end season 2.

Take a cup of coffee/tea (if possible, alone)

As my daughter is bigger she is learning and respecting more and more my boundaries. One of the rules is that we can play after my morning coffee. I do feel after that like I had so long time for myself even if I drank my coffee in 10 minutes.

Reading

Anything that I like. I love books, but unfortunately recently I found only time to read about parenting (Hold on to your kids, No bad kids). I wish that in the following period I find some more time for religious topics since I feel I have been missing this one.

Sitting/laying in silence

Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed, I take some time to just sit in silence. I say to my daughter that I need some time alone, so I either sit or lay on the sofa while she has some time alone. It works wonders and it gives a great example for a child about how to slow down (teaching them the right coping skills) and it also encourages independent play, a win-win.

Take a walk alone

Another great way to unwind. Ask help from your spouse, friend, family memeber, take time for yourself.